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Do men truly fear intimacy and commitment? What is the psychology of men and emotions? How to best approach dating and men?
Today’s conversation will debunk popular myths surrounding the psychology of men and how to best approach men and dating.
Dr....
Do men truly fear intimacy and commitment? What is the psychology of men and emotions? How to best approach dating and men?
Today’s conversation will debunk popular myths surrounding the psychology of men and how to best approach men and dating.
Dr. Avrum Weiss is an acclaimed author, speaker, psychologist, and consultant. With nearly 40 years of clinical practice and research, Avrum has published 4 academic textbooks and trained hundreds of psychotherapists. His insightful columns on Psychology Today have captivated over two million readers.
Expect to learn about men's psychology in a relationship, the role of gender socialization, men and emotions, how to approach dating and men, what men need in a relationship, why men are not afraid of intimacy, and much more.
Check out Avrum’s latest book: Hidden in Plain Sight: How Men’s Fears of Women Shape Their Intimate Relationships
Let’s get this started.
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Show Notes
Avrum’s Website: https://www.avrumweissphd.com/
Avrum’s Email: agweiss@comcast.net
Psychology Today Profile: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/contributors/avrum-weiss-phd
Avrum’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/changeconsultant/
Avrum’s Books: https://www.amazon.com/Books-Avrum-Weiss/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp_27%3AAvrum+Weis
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Discover More is a show for independent thinkers by independent thinkers, with an emphasis on mental health. Have you ever felt lonely due to your wide-ranging and esoteric interests? Looking for deep thinking? Let’s get this started.
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MAGIC MIND
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DISCOVER MORE: THE PSYCHOLOGY OF MEN
Discover More is a show for independent thinkers by independent thinkers. Dr. Avrum Weiss talks about the modern psychology of men and how to thrive in an intimate relationship. His latest book is hidden in Plain Sight how Men's Fears of Women Shape Their Intimate Relationships.
THE CLOSE-FRIENDS OF MEN
Research shows boys friendships are as intimate and important to them as girls friendships with other girls. When you give them a chance, grown men are as eager to be close to each other as little boys were. How much do you think of that askewed data represents the general public?
HOW HAS CULTURE INFLUENCED MEN'S BEHAVIORS?
How does culture or gender socializations influence men's identities and behaviors? There's an interesting area of research called fragile masculinity. I think in 2023 the word masculinity or the concept of toxic masculinity has been hijacked.
HAS THE SYMPATHETIC REACTION TOWARDS MEN CHANGED
The sympathetic reaction towards men, I think it's in. It started with the advent of feminism. American Psychological Association set up a task force for the study of the treatment of boys and men. Once you make it, the only thing you can do is losing it.
THE PROBLEM WITH BLAMING MEN
Martin Luther King said segregation scars the soul of the perpetrated as much as the victim. We need to get past stereotyping and scapegoating to look at it more systemically. You could keep blaming men as we all drown, or we could get curious about how we're going to stop the boat from sinking and benefit all of us.
UNDERSTANDING MEN IN 2023
Most people in 2023 spend more effort and time complaining about men than trying to understand men. We don't mind people saying horribly mean things about overweight people. Men are not very emotionally fluent and they're kind of concrete. You should probably sort of dumb it down and give them concrete behavioral therapy.
Magic Mind has three primary ingredients. It's got matcha, which boosts your energy, adaptogens, helps you relax, and also neurotropics. With a shot of this, I'll be in an optimal brain wavelength and headspace for my conversation.
THE ROLE OF MEN IN PSYCHOTHERAPY
D Doctor: Men are socialized to not ask for help. Patients should be more open, more vulnerable, more emotionally disclosing. Change is possible, but change takes tremendous effort.
WHY ARE MEN SO AFRAID OF WOMEN IN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS
Why are men afraid of women in intimate relationships and what are they afraid of? Children are their primary attachment as infants and babies is with a woman. Many men have not had many positive experience of conflict where conflict occurs. Men don't have third space.
ARE MEN SCARED OF COMMITMENT?
A lot of men are children in terms of their dating, intimate lack of relationships or lack of experiences. Curiosity is one of the first things to go when you're scared. Men also have to own up to our responsibilities to be less critical of ourselves and others. More curiosity is bi directional.
THE QUESTIONS ALL MEN SHOULD ASK THEMSELVES AFTER THE FIRST DATE
The problem that people make on date is it becomes like a job interview. The second question is did you like the version of yourself on the date? What determines whether or not you're having a good time is if you liked how you were.
ON THE IMPORTANCE OF INTIMACY
Many men worry about curating the perfect first date. Only we are responsible for our own feelings. True logic will be doing what's most optimal for both parties involved. Being logical does not mean aligning with your way of thinking.
DO MEN REALLY THINK THEY'RE NOT ATTRACTIVE?
Long term couples spend most of their time doing nothing. If you want to find somebody, don't take them to the Four Seasons. Take them to ordinary, everyday life experiences. It's the stark contrast of the ordinary that makes the extraordinary.
MEN'S TRAUMA ARMOR
In our culture, masculinity is defined by the absence of feminine. Be willing to put on the armor when it's appropriate. And seek out the benefit from post traumatic growth.
FROM ROOM TO LOVE
The cutting edge for men has to do with their relationship with men and men's relationship with children. Use the book as a book club start. And hopefully that will then become a community of men who get together regularly and talk in more personal, open ways with each other.
A VOICE FOR WOMEN IN RELATIONSHIPS
Avram Weissphd: Sometimes you just have to take one step out of that paradigm for things to go very differently. He says for a paradigm shift to be possible there has been an emerging new horizon. If you can share this episode with one friend, it's free for you, but priceless for the podcast's growth.
