When Pam first sat down to record an episode of her podcast, she never imagined she would end up opening up about her deeply personal experiences with adoption, trauma, and the lifelong search for belonging. But over the course of the raw and moving conversation, Pam found herself speaking openly for the first time outside of close friends and family about the complex emotions surrounding her adoption story. Pam described feeling like an outsider within her adoptive family from a young age. She was the only adopted child among her siblings, and had a hard time feeling fully accepted. Books became an escape for Pam - a way to mentally transport herself to other worlds where she didn't feel quite so alone. Literature provided comfort, but didn't erase the sense that she didn't fully belong. Seeking out her biological parents in adulthood became an all-consuming quest for Pam to try to find the missing piece of her identity. She first connected with distant cousins through a DNA test in 2020, which eventually led her to make contact with her biological mother. Just last year, decades after being separated at birth, Pam was finally able to meet her biological mother in person for the first time. This reunion has opened up old wounds and brought a flood of unresolved emotions to the surface. Pam is still actively processing what it means to reconnect with a mother she has never known. She grapples with feelings of anger, abandonment, curiosity, and a tremendous sense of loss for all the missed years they can never get back. Integrating her biological family into her life remains an ongoing journey. Pam and Benoit spoke at length about the importance of adoptive parents being transparent with children about their adoption from a young age. Pam's parents did tell her she was adopted early on, which she feels allowed her to process some of those complex emotions over time. But full acceptance within the family remained elusive. They touched on the common themes of grief, loss, and the search for community that frequently arise when speaking with artists and guests on Pam's podcast. Pam recently suffered the devastating loss of both her adoptive parents in close succession. She spoke about the vital role rituals can play in helping to make sense of grief when loved ones pass away. Without those rituals, it's easy to feel lost and empty. Pam has found solace in using art as a way to honor her parents and fill the void left behind. In closing, Pam shared her belief that the only way we can find true belonging is by approaching others with abundant empathy and curiosity. Each person carries their own unseen burdens and sorrows. When we open our hearts to one another's stories, we open the door to healing. By embracing our shared humanity, we can foster a spirit of community that transcends bloodlines. Pam's courage in sharing her story serves as inspiration for all those struggling to find inner peace and belonging amidst life's pain. Her journey reminds us that while we cannot change the past, we can shape the future. By striving to understand each other despite our differences, we can create a world where everyone feels accepted exactly as they are.
Check out the full version of Episode 149 here.
